Day 57: There is no heavier load than the load of sin, no greater gift than that of forgiveness.

“Blessed is he whose transgression is forgiven, Whose sin is covered. Blessed is the man to whom the Lord does not impute iniquity, And in whose spirit there is no deceit.”

‭‭Psalms‬ ‭32:1-2‬ ‭NKJV‬‬

I opened up a video, sent to my phone, to see a face—very much made in my own image. The face I saw showed great distress, eyes swollen from tears. The only sound coming forth was that of snubbing as she tried to release her words. Finally the words came: “Ginny, I did something bad; I ate all the chocolate.” The words were spoken from a mouth still carrying the mark of shame. Suddenly, a flood of memories swept over my soul of all of the times I felt the same emotion when faced with my own failings.

I remember when I was about nine years old, going down a tall slide at school, and ripping the hem of my new dress. Now, to understand the seriousness of this situation, you need to understand that I had been forbidden (by my mother) to get on the slide (basically any of the schoolyard equipment). She feared that I would be injured. Probably rightly so. But this one day, as the children were lining up to go down this tall slide (a slide that would not be allowed on any schoolyard in this day and time), I “found myself” in that line. About three rungs from the top, I regretted the decision. But other children occupied the rungs below me and I was embarrassed to ask them to let me go back down; I didn’t want them to think I was afraid. Fact is, I was afraid—not of the sliding experience—but of disobeying the command of my mother. So, my turn came and I positioned myself on the top of the slide and let go. Very near the bottom there was a rusted place, causing a very sharp open hole (as I said, it was a different day and time). As you might have guessed, the sharp edge caught the hem of my dress, ripping quite a large hole. I spent the rest of the day dreading having to face my mother with what I had done. I actually wrote a note (I still have), explaining to my mother what had happened and expressing my deepest regrets. To be honest with you, I don’t remember what her exact response was. But, I don’t remember that she was harsh or severe. You see, it didn’t much matter whether she was harsh or not; I was already so disappointed in myself that there could be no punishment worse than what I was already experiencing. Maybe she knew that.

Shame feels awful. More so (to me) than the fear of punishment.

I remember a time when my mother faced her own moment of shame. I was riding in the backseat of the car she was driving. This car was a gold Buick Electra 225, a beautiful vehicle. A man (connected to someone in our church) restored totaled cars and offered this to my father at a price he couldn’t refuse. It was beautiful. He was proud of it. And, my mother was driving it. Well, we pulled into the old Sears on Ponce de Leon; into the very tight parking deck. My mother, in attempting to turn into the next row without swinging out far enough, wrapped the car around a large concrete support column, totally crushing the passenger door beside me. She, hearing the crunching of metal, knew this was not going to be good; and it wasn’t. She got out of the car and saw the awful result of trying to turn a car at a 90° angle. I remember all of us praying that the Lord would heal the car before we got home; she was inconsolable. Upon returning home, she presented the terrible deed to my father. He looked at the car and then looked at her and said, “It’s just a car, why would you be so distraught?” I remember the relief she experienced. But, I wasn’t surprised at his response; that’s the way he lived.

Failure feels horrible. Combining that with disappointing someone you love and/or fear, compounds the impact of your shame.

At the beginning of “The Pilgrim’s Progress” (John Bunyan), we see the main character, Christian, looking for a way to get the heavy load off his shoulders—the load of sin. He goes on to find out that the only thing that lifted that load, was identifying with the suffering and death of Jesus Christ.

The Apostle Paul knew all too well the terrible load sin brings. But, he also had a revelation of the forgiving power of the work of Jesus Christ:

“But I see another law in my members, warring against the law of my mind, and bringing me into captivity to the law of sin which is in my members. O wretched man that I am! Who will deliver me from this body of death? I thank God—through Jesus Christ our Lord! So then, with the mind I myself serve the law of God, but with the flesh the law of sin.”

‭‭Romans‬ ‭7:23-25‬ ‭NKJV‬‬

“The sting of death is sin, and the strength of sin is the law. But thanks be to God, who gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ.”

‭‭I Corinthians‬ ‭15:56-57‬ ‭NKJV‬‬

In our portion from Psalms today we see David expressing the wonderful feeling of relief in finding forgiveness of our faults and failings, forgiveness of our sins. Being familiar with the life of David, knowing how much he wanted to do the will of his Good Shepherd, we can imagine the shame he felt when he knew he had failed. We also know because we’ve been there. But, David never made the mistake of continuing to try to hide his sin from the Lord. He was quick to repent when feeling the Lord’s displeasure. He knew how it felt to be forgiven.

“Bless the Lord, O my soul, And forget not all His benefits: Who forgives all your iniquities, Who heals all your diseases, Who redeems your life from destruction, Who crowns you with lovingkindness and tender mercies, Who satisfies your mouth with good things, So that your youth is renewed like the eagle’s.”

‭‭Psalms‬ ‭103:2-5‬ ‭NKJV‬‬

No matter what you are feeling today in terms of your own faults and failings, no matter the heaviness of the load of shame, guilt, or fear, look at Jesus. See His suffering, His sacrifice. Repent before Him, recognizing that His blood has covered a multitude of sins.

For today let us know and understand what David knew:

There is no heavier load than the load of sin, no greater gift than that of forgiveness.

#100dayswithdavid